


I can only dance with you

by karlamartinova



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But not in a sexual way - Freeform, Dirty Dancing AU, Established Poe Dameron/Finn, F/M, M/M, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Power Dynamics, Redeemed Ben Solo, lots of consent discussion, very brief but still there, without an actual sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 15:03:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karlamartinova/pseuds/karlamartinova
Summary: Ben Solo is a quick learner and Rey hates it.Dirty Dancing AU





	I can only dance with you

**Author's Note:**

> I had half of this written for months and then came back and finished it. First time Reylo poster even though there are like eight unfinished fics somewhere on my drive.
> 
> Unbetaed, I'm sorry.

Rey hates what a quick learner he is. She expected hours and hours of training, nights under the moonlight, quiet whispers about tempo and steps and “yes, you need to hold my hip like this”. Instead, he watches her make few steps and then does exactly the same, sometimes she gets to correct the position of his legs or hips but it’s so rare she never forgets to enjoy it. Dancing means touching but somehow it isn’t enough.

“Good?” he asks breathing hard. He has his hands on his hips, the black shirt clinging to him as a second skin and Rey forgets he expects something. At least a nod. She can do that so she does and turns away stalking to the pitcher of water Poe prepared on the corner table. She takes two glasses and notices her hands are shaking. This isn’t good. It’s everything but good, she didn’t expecting him having such effect on her when she accepted Ben’s offer to step in for Poe. 

No one ever did. She was strong and stubborn and she never needed anyone. But she’s starting to need him.

“Rey, you sure everything is good? You look distracted,” he asks across the room and she starts nodding and then realizes she cannot stop. No, nothing is good. Everything is bad, worse than it ever was because she got used to him so much and he would go back to being Ben Solo MD next week and she would stay here.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to form any attachments, that always leads to heartbreak and her heart couldn’t manage more of them. Tears start to form in her eyes and she furiously massages her cheeks. Her frantically moving arms hit the glass and it falls to the floor and shatters. Maybe that’s her heart, maybe it’s broken already because she wants him to stay so much it actually causes her pain.

His quick footsteps reach her too late. Rey cannot hide her wet eyes, nor her hand already forming a small bruise from the force of the hit. Ben takes it in his and she flinches at the contact. His hands aren’t soft, she noticed that from the very beginning, but they’re like a book of his life, his past. The war, the struggle, he still has scars at his wrists she never dared to mention and she loves him more because he stopped hiding them from her.

“You’re hurt,” he whispers softly, like he would be talking to a scared child, maybe she looks like one now. “Rey, please, tell me what’s wrong,” his voice’s still soft but more insistent. When she avoids his eyes, he catches her chin and makes her face him. 

Ben looks at her as if she was, as if she was real, not a kitchen rat, an orphan no one ever wanted. He looks like he means it but Rey knows it’s a lie, no one ever does and she needs him gone so she can cement this truth in her heart again, to squish the hope he managed to revive.

There are lies at the end of the tongue. ‘You’re terrible’, ‘I want you gone’, ‘Leave and never come back”, instead “You’re too good” comes out.

Ben barks out a laugh, a harsh sound in the too quiet studio. Throws his head back and she stares at his throat and imagines licking a line up to his mouth. Would he stop her or would he hold her hand forever? 

He straightens back and sends her a sad smile. “I don’t think that made you cry,” he says pulling slightly. The hand that left an invisible imprint on her chin finds her shoulder blade. He wants to hug her, Rey realizes suddenly and wants to pull herself away. She cannot, he would know. Ben doesn’t give her a chance and then she can feel him everywhere, like he created a cushion out of himself and swallowed her. Her arms go around him without her noticing and he drops a small kiss on the top of the head. It only makes her cry again.

He caresses her back slowly, softly, his big hands touching every inch. She almost imagines he’s painting her black. If he connected together the dots, if he knows what she meant, he doesn’t say anything. But maybe he knows, because he kisses her temple next, leans down and kisses her cheek. Rey immediately stops crying because no matter what happens next, she wants to feel everything and even though she isn’t sure if he’s aiming at her lips she turns her head and catches them with hers. 

Ben stills for a moments and pulls back, her heart stopping momentarily. He leans her head up so he can look directly into her eyes.

“Are you …” but Rey knows what he’s asking already and pulls at him. His lips crash against hers and they crash against the table behind her. The pitcher falls to the ground and there’s so much noise that it’s a miracle if no one at the main building hears but Rey isn’t able to care. His lips are soft and insistent on hers and she opens her mouth to accept his tongue. 

It quickly gets of out hand, soon she is pulling his shirt over his head and she can see questions in his eyes, he wants to ask for more reassurances but she doesn’t want to give him any, this is about letting go of all her fears and anxieties. Rey wants him, that’s the simple truth and it’s not only this insistent need in her belly. She wants to see him every day, train with him, have him watching her, just being there. She never wanted to need anyone this much and it scares her away from his arms.

His arms fall immediately and he looks pained and scared. “Fuck, Rey, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have …,” he turns around pulling at his hair and hugging himself and shit, she fucked up badly. Ben thinks… He thinks and she cannot let him.

“No, no, no. You didn’t do anything, I just got scared but not of you, of me. I never felt…,” her eyes grew wide when she realized what she almost said, well, she said it. Fuck, she really did and she watches his fear grew into wonder. She can almost guess what he thought, all those truths his mother insisted into him from young age. How he needs to behave, that he needs to love and cherish each and every women. She doesn’t expect anything less from Leia Organa-Solo. He probably felt that he overstepped, he probably calculated each and every year that separated them into heightening his guilt and she immediately feels terrible.

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t want you think that you did anything wrong.”

Rey can see him struggling to come closer, to touch her, but he restraints himself and she realizes she doesn’t want him to. “Please kiss me again,” she pleads ignoring her inner struggle, but Ben could see it coming closer and cupping her cheek.

“Rey, please tell me what’s wrong?” it’s him pleading now, his body close enough to be distracting but not close enough to turn off her thoughts. She could distract him too, make him stop asking questions she isn’t yet ready to answer. Not that she ever was, she’s running from them all her life. There in her bubble along with Finn and Poe, where no one can come close enough and hurt her but she wants Ben there with them so badly it scares her. Almost as much as telling him.

There isn’t a middle ground anywhere and she moves away from him, turns around and takes a deep breathe. “You should leave, Ben.”  _ You don’t need to come back _ stays stuck in her throat. No matter how good it would be for her not to see him ever again, it’s not only about her. They need the gig at the Sheldrake to save enough money to leave this place forever behind. 

He releases a sad sigh behind her and Rey knows she needs to say more but even “See you tomorrow before the show” it’s too quiet. But he hears. She knows he does.

 

…

 

The walk back to the cabin is too short or maybe he is simply too stupid but Ben couldn’t understand. Rey kissed him, reassured him she really wanted him to kiss her too and then threw him out. He wanted nothing more than to go back and demand an explanation but this is old Ben, who sought answers at the bottom of a whisky bottle and didn’t speak to his parents. He had turned his life around and no matter how his fist itches to find a very hard wall, he resists and goes to find his mother.

He needs to talk about his feelings, that’s everybody keeps saying.

Leia Organa-Solo can be around this time found with a cup of tea and a book. Ever since she retired from politics, she was learning how to relax and Ben admired how much she tried. It was more than little obvious that she hated it. Hated being out of the game but she did it for him too and he’s incredibly thankful.

“Mom,” he calls to her and she puts the book away faster then he breathes out the last letter.

“Oh, Ben, what happened,” she’s on his feet in an instant and he wonders if he has the heartbreak all over his face. 

“I kissed Rey,” he says simply waiting for judgement and yes, there’s a small dark cloud on her face. It reminds him of the days when he would tell her that it was just one sip, just to balance him when things got difficult. Ben still can feel the sting of her palm against the cheek when this happened the last time, even if it was more than 5 years ago.

Leia purses her lips and asks in a very calm voice. “You didn’t take advantage, did you? You know you’re in a position of power over her. I hope you understand that.”

Ben blanches immediately. “No, no. At least I hope I didn’t, she said she wanted me to kiss her. She was crying and I..shit,” his thoughts are one over another and did she say it just because he’s a guest? That one bad word could mean she loses everything? His mouth is suddenly full of bile.

Something about his reaction reassures his mother and she reaches and puts her hand on his arm, stroking softly. “It doesn’t have to mean to did it on purpose, maybe she really wanted you to kiss her but Ben, think about her situation. You’re here for this summer only, next week you’ll leave and she stays and from what I understood she has a history of people leaving her behind.”

It doesn’t make him feel better. At all. He needs to do something, anything and violence and alcohol stopped being the solutions to his issues. He stumbles outside his mother’s words following him.

“Just be careful with her.”

Yes, he intends to, he intends to do anything and everything she says because the moment he opened his stupid mouth and volunteered to help her, to step in for Poe, Rey became everything. He avoided intimate relationship after coming back from war, he was broken beyond repair and it was easier to deal with it on his own. There was always someone when he was drunk, might it been a fellow soldier understanding the pain or a girl at the bar who thought he would save her. Ben had always felt like shit afterwards, it was easier to bury himself into studies and try to find happiness in solitude. He had his parents and he was on his way to repair his relationship with his uncle, it was enough. It was supposed to be enough but then Rey smiled at him and he knew he was lying to himself all those years. 

She wasn’t at her cabin but he doesn't know why he even tried. It’s Finn who opens the door, he wears a thunderous expression on his face and Ben understands. It doesn’t mean he would back down. “I need to talk to Rey,” he says as calmly as he could.

Finn grips the door frame tighter and straightens into a threatening stance. “That doesn’t mean she wants to talk to you. Go away, Solo,” he pushes the door closed but Ben is quicker to put his palm on them and push back. 

“Please,” he almost screams. It’s loud enough for everyone inside to hear and after a beat Rey’s voice sounds from the inside.

“It’s okay, Finn. You can let him,” her voice is still hoarse from crying and Ben would punch himself if he could. He did that to her. He hurt her as he hurt his parents, his friends. He’s a fuck up, destroyer. Everything in his wake turns to dust and now it’s Rey too. His light.

Finn doesn’t look completely convinced but he steps away from the door. Rey is sitting at Poe’s bedside, her eyes are puffy and she’s holding onto a pillow as it would save her life. The bile is back in his throat. It’s the first time in months he craves whisky again.

Rey pushes herself up and takes a careful step towards him. “You don’t to help us anymore. I talked to Finn and Poe and we can survive one summer without the gig at the Sheldrake. Thank you again for offering,” her words sound rehearsed, she sounds sad and broken. He needs to fix it. In any way he knows how.

“I’ll pay you for each and every lesson, even more. The difference for what would you earn at Sheldrake,” he says defeated. These words don’t fit into his mouth, he had different prepared. _I need you, Rey. I love you, Rey. Please, Rey_. But his mother was right. She never had an option to say no, even being Rey who wears her heart at her sleeve and speaks what’s on her mind. She never really had any choice. He desperately wants to give her one.

There comes an amused snort from behind Rey’s back and Poe pushes himself into sitting position at the end of the bed. “You think this is about money?”

“Poe,” Rey turns around and hits him in the middle of his chest but he turns towards her. “You need to tell him, honey.”

Ben looks between them confused and then Finn is at his side and pushes him forward. 

“Rey?” Ben looks at her and sees her eyes filling with tears again. He can’t help himself but steps forward catching her face between his palms. She doesn’t flinch away from his touch, instead he holds onto his wrists caressing the skin she can reach. “Rey tell me what’s wrong. I’ll do anything you’ll ask for. Anything.”

She looks up into his eyes and there’s hurt there, sadness but he can see hope too, just a tiny piece of it but he concentrates on that feeling. “I’ll do anything for you Rey. You’re the only person that matters to me,” he says what he feels, letter by letter.

It seems to do the trick because next moment she’s in his arms and Ben never plans to let her go.

 

…

 

_ Few months later _

  
  


Rey still can’t believe how drastically her life changed as she exits the car in front of the Organa-Solo’s house. Leia is reading on the terrace and waves to her. “Ben’s coming to the dinner. You should invite the boys too,” she yells across the yard and goes back to her book. Rey smiles and sprints to the small house at the end of their property, her textbooks still clutched in her hands.

“Poe, Finn,” she yells before knocking and waits five beats before she enters. She learnt her lesson well, five beats or wait for an answer. They’re in the middle or learning another choreography and she quickly puts her books on the small table next to the door and joins them.

“Hey, honey,” Poe smiles at her and releases Finn pulling her to him instead. They spent few more hours dancing when they finally notice the time and make their way to the main house. Rey lives there now but sometimes she still feels like guest and more often than not stays with them. She would rather stay at Ben’s but Leia put her foot down that she wouldn’t have it till they’re married. Which made her even more annoyed was that Ben agreed. He was always giving her a way out, telling her she owes him nothing except she did.

Having him near was the most important thing. Yes, she had a roof over her head, she studied at a university and had her friends with her but it were the stolen moments with Ben she craved the most. She loved Leia and Han and Finn and Poe but he was her everything, the person who mattered the most and she repeated it as often as she could, cuddled next to him at her parents house or stealing nights at his apartment.

She was happy, happier than she ever was and even though there were still moments when the darkness came back, when a voice in her voice would keep repeating that he would leave her behind, she shushed it because she finally believed that someone could love her.

 

_ Fin. _


End file.
